The Freedom Response

Boundaries - The skill of communicating what is important to you.

I am surprised at how many people I coach and mentor that do not know how to communicate what is important to them. 

If you do NOT communicate what is important to you based on ‘its no big deal’ or based on how uncomfortable it makes you feel (shortness of breath or anxiety) - over time, you can fester in this and it accumulates to bitterness and one day you can snap and say or do something you will regret. Suppression is a leading cause of sickness that shows up one way or another physically, mentally and spiritually. 

Men….you are supposed to communicate - in a heathy way - of what you value and know is of importance to you, your family, friends, community and church life. 

This is not a male/female thing - it is a human thing. 

Why you are not setting boundaries now is because you have not been taught how to do so. This is not a sign of being weak or that it is not your deal. 

It is. 

When you do not lead with setting boundaries you become a victim of your circumstances.
Read that sentence again. 

There is a popular story with boundaries that involves a tree from your neighbor that falls on your property - do you say anything or deal with it yourself?

But, if over a week more and more trees fall onto your property you can start to feel resentment and even anger to your neighbor who is NOT saying anything or helping out or taking responsibility for it. 

Over time, most deal with it and then let the anger build over time to no longer communicate with their neighbor anymore, and you will even snap at them OR if anything happens to them in the future you do nothing to help them out anymore. 

The relationship falls apart. 

This is what is happening to friendships, marriages, dating and even more so in churches - all the time. 

The Freedom Response teaches you how to lead into situations like this - to communicate what is going on emotionally, physically or spiritually so that if the other person respects you they will modify their behavior appropriately to let you know that you are valued to them and for the relationship to get better over time. 

If they do not care, then they do not value or honor your boundaries and then you can let it go, move on or establish a trial period of time for things to improve.
If things do not improve then you communicate it is time to move on. 

Too many people stay in dysfunctional relationships from lack of the ability to set boundaries with people in a healthy way. 

Its important to give people a chance but if they do not know about it then some will not do anything to improve the relationship. 

You lead with communicating - not guessing, assuming or mind-reading them to think you know what they are up to. 

You talk about it in a healthy way. 

The best way to communicate your boundaries is by first writing out what you want to say, practice saying this with a man in your circles so that you can communicate without anger or get all out of balance of anxiety or fear. You want to get to a point where you know what you will say and how you will say it. 

In my mentoring/coaching sessions we learn about how to manage our thoughts and feelings, learn to communicate from a clear mind that is renewed in Christ and open our heart to the grace of God…THEN communicate with our boundaries. 

Many of us grew up without healthy boundaries, lack of communication of how to do so or practice with someone two steps ahead of us in learning about this. 

Boundaries are a skill. They can be used for good or bad. 

We are learning how to set boundaries to love God and our neighbor…and it starts with ourself first. Check on Matt 22: 37-40 - this is key for this skill. 

Learning to honor our own word - to ourself - is one of the first steps in The Freedom Response session. This is how you build trust with yourself first and over time you establish confidence. 

If you do not have confidence now to set boundaries it falls back on if you really trust yourself first? If not, then that is something we can work on quickly. 

Setting boundaries with yourself first is key to setting boundaries with others later. 

It is not complicated and does not take a long time to learn…you just need guidance and the skills of knowing what to practice for a bit of time to trust yourself with this and to even build up confidence. 

If you do not learn this - you will stay immature and not develop fully as a healthy human being that leads to a hardened heart and a bitter spirit. 

You remain mis-understood, ignorant, immature and foolish and prideful. 

We call that a ‘bondage reaction’ way of living life. 

So, the next time something pops up and you feel a certain way that is negative and you just do not know how to communicate about it in a healthy way - you now know what you need to do….learn to take a minute to be in God’s grace, honor your word, practice with a man of understanding in our community, communicate what is important to you and lead yourself and your family to respond in freedom. 

To help you, your team or a situation you are unclear about with setting boundaries - reach out to me and lets set up a session to help you gain this skill. 

Proverbs 20:5 - the purpose of a mans heart is like deep water and it takes a man of understanding to draw it out. 

What we need are more men of understanding. 

For now, 

Scott Musgrave: Founder of The Freedom Response